Monday, December 20, 2010

Is Sarah Palin Running For First Lady?

There has been much discussion of late as to whether Sarah Palin is running for the Presidency. People have been trying to read the tea leaves by examining her book tours, her television shows, her numerous Faux interviews, and her tweeting to discern her intentions. The problem with the media analysis of Palin is that the pundits are looking at the wrong political office. Palin is not a campaign for the Presidency. Nope. The evidence is clear. She is running for the Office of First Lady.

“Preposterous,” you say, “she can't run for First Lady.” Well, of course she can. After all in 2008 she ran for Vice President, a position so far above her education, abilities, and temperament, that she would have no trouble seeing the Office of First Lady as within her grasp.

It is clear that she is running for First Lady, rather than President, because she has been waging a relentless campaign to defeat the current incumbent of that office, Michelle Obama. Everyone knows that when you are in a political campaign the very first thing you have to do is attack your opponent, bringing that person down in the eyes of the electorate. That is exactly what Palin has been doing. Why just yesterday she ridiculed Mrs. Obama’s anti-obesity campaign

While making s'mores at one point during Sunday's episode, the former Alaska governor proclaims the marshmallow and chocolate treat is "in honor of Michelle Obama, who said the other day we should not have dessert."

This is just the latest battle in Palin’s jihad against Mrs. Obama for having the temerity to suggest that there is an obesity problem in the United States and that the First Lady should use the bully pulpit of her position to encourage better eating habits among Americans, particularly America's youths. A few weeks ago Palin attacked Mrs. Obama saying,

"Instead of a government thinking that they need to take over, make decisions for us according to some politician or politician's wife's priority," Palin said, "just leave us alone, get off our back, and allow us as individuals to exercise our own God-given rights to make our own decisions, and then our country gets back on the right track."

And who can forget the famous cookie incident where

"Mama Grizzly" stopped by a school in Pennsylvania with dozens of cookies, a gesture obviously in protest to Michelle Obama's campaign for better nutrition.

"Who should be making the decisions what you eat and school choice and everything else?" Palin asked the students. "Should it be government, or should it be the parents?"

Yes, Palin has been attacking Michelle Obama relentlessly for over a year, making fun of virtually everything Mrs. Obama does. And there is only one reason for these attacks. Palin is fighting hammer and tongs to succeed Michelle Obama as the next First Lady of the United States.

Of course some people might say that you can't really run for the office of First Lady, you have to be married to the person elected President. In response Sarah would say, you don't know Palin. After all, she convinced the voters of Alaska to elect her for an eighteen month tour as governor of a state with the same population as a typical Congressional District and with about a third the population of the average Borough in the City of New York. She also convinced a grumpy old man to pluck her from obscurity and place her on his ticket as a Vice Presidential candidate. Having achieved those seemingly impossible feats surely she can find a way to become the First Lady.

The obvious question arises as to how Palin and intends to gain the office of First Lady. One answer might be that she will push her husband Todd to run for the Office of Dude of the United States (DOTUS) so that she could become First Dudess of the United States (FDOTUS). It shouldn't be hard to get Todd elected. After all Sarah had great success bringing about the election of many mama grizzlies during the 2010 congressional elections, such as Sharon Angle, Christine O’Donnell, and Carly Fiorina. With those victories behind her certainly she can switch gears and find a way to promote the snowmobiler in chief to the highest office in the land.

Those who are skeptical about this strategy believe she has a much more sinister and devious plan in mind. They think she intends to directly substitute herself for Michelle Obama at the right hand of her husband Barack. All she has to do is convince the President that Michelle is no longer an asset and is not worthy of his affections. These attacks on Michelle's public outreach are designed to show the country and the President how truly out of touch Mrs. Obama is. They reveal that Michelle is nothing more than a socialist, communist, bleeding heart, do gooding, anti-dessert, vegetarian.

Once phase one is over and Michelle is exposed as a political liability all Sarah needs to do is wink her eye and cast one of her come hither looks and poor defenseless Barack and he will be eating out of the palm of her hand. Of course there is the small technicality of the fact that Sarah is currently married to Todd, but that is a problem easily solved. There will be many snowmobile races on frozen lakes in Alaska this winter. Everyone knows how hazardous that sport is.

Get ready America, the mother grizzly of all battles has been joined.